If you are like most partners of a person with a seriously negative behavior or addiction, your journey has been difficult to say the least. You have been hurt and you didn’t deserve this. You may have lost trust or hope and you may not know where to turn for solutions. You may question the value of sticking around or maybe you are committed to making things work. You likely feel a mix of anger, anxiety, sadness, betrayal, and loneliness. Should you play tough and lay out an ultimatum or should you patiently trust your partner’s statements that things are getting better?
While no single situation is the same, the following may provide some guidance:
- No partner deserves the trauma caused by their other half. God knows all including your pain and the path to healing.
- Your partner needs help. Most people do not seek help themselves.
- Recovery is unlikely if done alone.
- You are likely the single most important force to drive change.
- Your partner’s logical thinking capabilities have been impaired.
- You need to find a healthy state of living independent of what your partner does.
- Healthy boundaries are important to minimize trauma. Therapy can help you too.
- Most people understate the severity of their problem and overstate their ability to change.
- Change takes substantial time and space.
- Compliance with a therapy schedule is the first measure of progress.
- A change of heart is the second and more permanent measure of recovery.
The impact of negative behaviors and addiction is far reaching. While the primary Take24 solutions are today built for your partner, there are some important notifications that you should be getting.
Too often you may be asked by your partner to be patient, and to trust while he or she is working the steps of recovery. Days, weeks and months may pass by and you may spend significant cycles of your mental capacity wondering, hoping, and worrying. Do you see signs of challenges? Should you be asking questions? Can you trust your partner? What should you know and how involved should you be?
These are just some of the many questions you may be asking yourself and we clearly believe that there is a better way than to leave you in a constant state of uncertainty about your partner’s compliance with a recovery plan. For that reason, we have set up a default, daily text message notification with your partner’s most recent three check-ins to a single question asking, “How are you doing on a scale of 1-10 with 1 being unhealthy and 10 being healthy living?”
But what good is just a number?
Yes, it is just a partial view into your partner’s head, but so far it has served a singular purpose of confirming compliance by your partner with a recovery program while still giving your partner space to process all the junk in his or her head.
If you don’t see a check-in, you should ask. Falling out of compliance with basic check-ins is a strong indication of problems. If you see unhealthy check-ins at 7 or below, you should ask questions. Your positive support during this process will encourage your partner to stay consistently vigilant and this sort of regular check-in structure and consistent analysis of small moments has a cumulative positive impact for your partner.
Wish you could see details?
We think getting just the number is sufficient for most partners because if your partner is really working the program, his or her descriptions will be full of insane, unhealthy, bitter, whimsical or unrealistic thinking that defies logic and may even be destructive, but processing this raw, real, honest thinking both good and bad is important to rewire our brains.
So if you are ready to help your partner, send them a link to Take24 so they can sign up for the service. Secondly, consider a professional therapy program. The investment of time and money now will pay long term dividends.
Thank you for being courageous and for believing in a positive change in your partner. Your hopes and dreams can be restored one day at a time. We honor you for whatever strength you can muster to help your partner overcome his or her problems and along the way, we hope you will also realize healing.
Start someone today on the path to making the changes that will improve their life.